Sauber F1 Team “The Toblerone”
The chocolate, whose triangular shape is reminiscent of the Swiss Alps, is full of ups and downs, much like the history of the Sauber team. Nevertheless, Sauber have stood the test of time (as have Toblerone) and evolved through hill-climbing, sports car racing and Formula One. The chewy nougaty interior of the chocolate is, I am sure you will agree, all too similar to the affable charm of Switzerland’s only Formula One team.
Sahara Force India F1 Team “Coronation Chicken”
Coronation Chicken and Force India were both created to celebrate. In the case of that yellow, curried, creamed and raisined chicken, to beckon in Queen Elizabeth II; in the case of Force India, to herald a new age of Indian participation in the sport. Both are unique and inimitable, fusing East with West: let’s not forget that despite the might of Vijay Mallya and Sahara, Force India is based at Silverstone and has a British driver…
Williams F1 Team “The Roast Dinner”
Steeped in history with awesome potential to boot, Williams is reminiscent of the quintessential English roast dinner. However, both are prone to inconsistency and poor form, let down by reliability, over-economising, or simply through frozen Yorkshire Puddings and soggy sprouts.
Scuderia Torro Rosso “The Lasagne”
Obviously Italian, but also cheap, stodgy and with little finesse, Torro Rosso is the spit of Garfield’s favourite food. There is also a lovely little connection between ‘Torro’ meaning ‘bull’ and ‘bull’ meaning ‘beef’ and ‘beef’ goes in lasagne, but as we know, horse can also goes into lasagne and that makes both this Italian dish and team just a little bit um, shit, and possibly a cheap imitation of something that should be better.
Caterham F1 Team “The Laksa Chicken Pizza”
There’s nothing fancy about a chicken pizza or Caterham F1, but you gotta admire the spirit. Both are simple and rightly or wrongly lack expectation, but they could raise a few eyebrows. Caterham is registered in Malaysia, for some boring reason that I won’t entertain it here. So on that note, Crate Brewery added Malaysian ‘Laksa’ spice mix to their chicken pizza for equally no apparent reason apart from a bit of “Wahay!” A bit British, a bit Malaysian, a bit different and very much surprising.
Marussia F1 Team “The Vodka Jelly”
Some may accuse me of laziness and being unable to think of much Russian food and whereas that may well be true (and yes, I am well aware that vodka is not originally from Russia), let’s think about this. Both Marussia and vodka jelly are relative newcomers to their respective scenes, both more commonly found in the UK than in Russia and both prompting sighs of “oh dear” through being poorly-conceived testaments to enthusiastic naivety by people who reside in the Midlands. Nevertheless; cheap and cheerful!
So on that note, set your alarms, grab some grub and settle in to Formula One 2013!